i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
