Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
