she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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