even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
