I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
