No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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