They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
