Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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