Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I only lived at night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
