I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
