My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
