At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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