You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
