Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
