I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
