She's JV to your varsity
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
