the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
