By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize