hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
