i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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