Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We need to get me chipped asap
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
