well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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