So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
