New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
