I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
