i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
