wat bout pragnant strippers??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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