moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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