There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
