Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
