What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
