Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
