there's paper in my vomit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
