so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
