just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
there is glitter all over my balls
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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