using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
