There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
God, I missed his penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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