what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
