Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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