she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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