Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
