so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
