I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize