The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
