Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
