I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
