we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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