I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
