YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
