Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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