NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
