last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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