you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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