Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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