it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
