So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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