after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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