Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
