no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
