i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
