The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We got so high we made milksteak
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
