ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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