we're blogging at a bar
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
